When difficult people express themselves orally,they generally want at least two things: they've been
heard and they've been understood.As a good communicator should be a good listener,five steps are
advocated toward good listening.
     The first step is cooperating(合作). How does a difficult person know that you're listening and
understanding? In fact, it's through the way you look and sound while he is talking.You may help him to
fully express his thoughts and feelings. You do this by nodding your head in agreement, making certain
sounds of understanding.
     When the person begins to repeat what's been said, it's a signal of step two: turning back. It means
that you repeat back some words he is using,sending a clear signal that you're listening carefully and that
you think what he is saying is important.
     Having heard what he has to say, the next step is clarifying. At this point, you start to gather information about what is being communicated. Ask some open ended questions, which will allow you to figure out
what intention he is hoping to satisfy.
     The fourth step is to summarize(概括)what you've heard. This allows you to make sure that both you
and the difficult person are on the same page. When you do this,two things happen. First, if you've
missed something, he can fill in the details(细节). Second, you've shown that you're making an effort to
understand completely. This increases the possibility of gaining cooperation from him.
     Having listened carefully, you've now arrived at the point of confirming with the person that he feels
satisfied that his thoughts have been fully voiced. Ask if he feels understood. When enough sincere
listening, questioning, and remembering are brought together, understanding is usually achieved  and a
difficult person becomes less difficult and more cooperative.